In the Name of Jesus

You have probably heard of a variety of types of abuse: verbal, sexual, mental, emotional; however, you may not have heard of spiritual abuse. Although you may not have heard of it, it is very real.

             While all abuse could be considered a spiritual abuse because it damages a person’s spiritual lens, The National Association for Christian Recovery states more specifically spiritual abuse is the following:

·      Takes place in a spiritual context (ie. A church setting, by a spiritual leader, etc.)

·      The use of spiritual truths and/or scripture to harm another

·      “Coercive” spirituality such as promoted by cults

·      Using God, or relationship with God, as a way to manipulate and shame others 

Mary Demuth also observes that spiritual abuse can also look like the following:

·      A leader develops an atmosphere of dependence on himself in the name of Jesus; therefore, the congregation, employees, etc. cannot act on its own

·      A leader demands total devotion from followers, including but not limited to financial resources, while he/she lives a lavish life without sacrifice

·      Blaming/shaming congregation for the leader’s downfall

·      Using his/her power for his/her own gain

While the above is mentioned in a context of a religious organization, spiritual abuse can happen in other places such as home, school, Christian organization, etc. However, regardless of where it occurs, it is not okay. Spiritual abuse may appear to be in Jesus’s name, but it is anything but small or slight and definitely not in Jesus’s name. 

  In my training as a therapist in both undergrad (at a Christian school) and in my graduate program, spiritual abuse was not an abuse I was taught to notice. It was my own experience with it that allowed me to understand its reality. Now, as a trauma therapist, I see the reality of all abuse, including spiritual abuse. It is an abuse that heaps coal upon any other abuse that may be occurring.

  As I work with broken men and women who cannot understand God’s mercy and grace because they were taught/told they did not deserve it or parents only modeled God’s wrath and not his mercy; or the child who believes God is a malevolent God who turns his back on him/her because he/she has “sinned”; or the man/woman who was coerced by a leader using his/her status to receive sexual advances and leaving the man/woman abandoned; or the business leader who “in Jesus name” disguises his/her manipulative and passive/aggressive statements to coerce and blame members/employees; or the husband/wife who believe he/she is “crazy” because he/she were taught he/she is only to submit or “rule” the home regardless of his/her own feelings and hurt; or the believers who in “Jesus name” were guilted, shamed, and/or abandoned for their sin is a hard bind to break. It is hard to explain grace when wrath is all that has been shown. 

  Because of these lies taught, many people turn from their faith, deny God all together, or live in fear that God will abandon/strike them down, or believe they are not deserving of God’s mercy and grace. But this is far from who Jesus is and the love he provides. 

  God’s truth is that by grace we have been saved through his love, sacrifice, and mercy (Ephesians 2:8). Romans 5:6-8 tells us that while we were still sinners Christ died for us. God did not withhold his love from us until we became righteous. He sent his son, the greatest act of love, while we were still sinners so that we could experience his mercy, grace, hope, and healing. Therefore, if someone is withholding love, heaping shame, using guilt, and blaming others to gain devotion to him/her, then he/she is spiritually abusing another. He/she is acting against God’s character and His word.

 The truth is this:

 Love never gives up

Love cares more for others than for self

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have

Love doesn’t strut

Love doesn’t force itself on others

Love isn’t angry

Love doesn’t keep score of other’s wrongs

Love doesn’t celebrate when others fall

Love enjoys truth

Love never ends.

            1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (MSG)

  If you are experiencing spiritual abuse, know that because of Jesus’s blood on the cross and his resurrection, you are welcomed to experience all the love God offers. If you feel that has been withheld from you, know that we can help. As a faith-based organization, we believe and trust in the word of God and that his mercies are new every day (Lamentations 3:22-23). We can help you find that mercy, hope, grace, and love.